Every fall and spring, I get a few new things. One is a new purse. The other is a new blog skin.

I have decided you will either love or hate this one. Obviously, I love it. It speaks to me on so many levels. (Free is one of those levels.)

Which side are you on? Love or hate? I promise not to be a offended. =)

When I became a mom, God graciously allowed me to be a stay at home mom. SAHM for short. It was a wonderful time. I enjoyed spending many days just playing with Reia (and Reese later), working on keeping a clean home, playgroups, spending time in Bible studies and making dinner menus and even dinner that consisted of more than a box of pasta and some sauce. (Which is more or less what we have regularly now.)

And I never really appreciated it. As a matter of fact, I was arrogant enough to think my decision to stay home was right. Which means unless you were a single mom with no choice, you were wrong. (Don’t throw tomatoes at me yet, I’m going somewhere with this.)

And it was easy for me frankly. After all, I didn’t really have to sacrifice much. There was no juicy couture in my closet or coach hand bags, but we never  went without. God taught me how to be a frugal mommy. That was good. Unfortunately, I also became worrisome about monetary things I couldn’t control and stingy. That was bad.

My basic stance was that if you really wanted to stay home, you could make it happen. I did watch friends of mine do it on much less every day. I mean, look what I did.

Exactly, it was about me. Not Him.

Fast forward a few years. Terry and I were faced with a challenge. We knew without a doubt God was calling us to serve Him at Lifechurch.tv in Oklahoma. And we were willing to move. But the financial sacrifice is not at all what we had in mind.

Instead of saying, “God we trust you to provide what ever we need.” and move forward looking at life on Terry’s salary alone, we said, “No worries God. We got it covered.”

And I went back to work so we wouldn’t have to actually sacrifice. Ahem. We purchased a very nice home that we could not afford on his salary alone. In one fell swoop (and ladies, going back to work was MY idea) I abandoned all that I thought was right. And promptly inserted my foot in my big ole’ mouth.

It has been almost two years, and God has let me wallow in the self-pity of making that decision, beg Him to let me stay home again, love my job, miss my kids, hate my job, miss being a wife who was really there for her husband, go over and over in my head why I didn’t listen to what His Spirit was telling me, and it has come to this….confession and forgiveness.

So,

To every woman who works to help feed, clothe and house her family…

To every woman who works just because she enjoys what she does and the relationships she builds….

To every stay at home mom who actually sacrifices to be at home with her kids because she is just tickled pick to be with them…

I apologize for every self-righteous, judgmental thing that has ever crossed my mind or come out of my mouth. All moms, working at home, or working any where else, should be praying for and lifting each other up so that we can all fulfill what God has designed each of us to do. Please forgive me.

God may or may not allow me to be home in the future. And really, as far as jobs go, I cannot complain. (Ok, I do, but I shouldn’t. Working on that.) Terry and I are looking at the budget cuts that would have to be made. It will be a leap of faith I’m sure. But next time God says GO! I’m jumping. And the only place I’m looking us up.

…my kids are playing outside on the swing set instead of inside getting ready for bed.

…my house is not perfectly clean. There is a full vacuum in my room, a wet mop in the hallway outside the kids bath, laudry is decorating my couch.

…chex mix is baking in the over.

…music pleasing to God pours out of my computers speakers and my mouth.

…the TV is not on.

…I got to talk to Richelle for more than 5 min this afternoon.

…my to do list did not get all done today.

….and I couldn’t feel more peaceful than I do right now.

Let’s go with the stats first. I ran the Geico Race For Freedom. I finished in 1 hour 15 min and something seconds. I walked approximately 25% of the race. (Basically, anytime I came to a mountain hill minor incline I walked. There were about 3 biggies.) It was overcast (good) and incredibly humid (bad). It was like breathing in water. Very hard for me.

Tunes were important. The playlist included: David Crowder, Creed, Gnarls Barkley, Eminem, U2, Alanis Morissette, Christina Aguilera, INXS, Rod Stewart, Amy Winehouse, Billy Idol, Creed, Bow Wow Wow, and Justin Timberlake. Oddly enough, “I Want Candy” was the most fun song today. I don’t know how people run without music or someone to talk to.

And here are my thoughts as I mentally wrote this post at about the 8K mark:

• At the very least, walk the course before you have to run it. I hate not knowing where I am going and how much longer I have to be tortured.
• It would be nice to have fun little signs at every Kilometer mark so when the dork at the water table tells you he is the 8K mark and the actual 8K mark is 1.5K ahead, you already know not to listen.
• COLD water. Not warm on the run. I guess there is a good reason for this, but I was jonesin’ for a COLD water on that trek.
• There should be a separate 10K for runners who are attempting their first race. Without mountains, hills or inclines of any kind. C’mon race organizers! Throw us a bone already.
• Don’t be intimidated by the “real runners”. They have seriously hard bodies, and finish the 10K in about 35 min. (My friend Erin finished 3rd in her age group. Yes, she’s one of those. But I still love her.) Just start at the back of the line waaaaay behind them and you never even know they’ve seriously kicked your butt.
• When you see the little girl who has no legs in the wheelchair pass you; you will feel like an idiot.
• Coffee only makes you need to pee half way through. I was tempted to stop at someone’s house.
• They don’t always stop the traffic for all portions of the race. You can’t always hear the traffic with your tunes going. I think I only blocked half a dozen cars for 5 min or so. No biggie.
• On the ride home, your salty sweat hardens into a body mask of sorts.
• When you are finished, you will vow to NEVER do this again. By the time you get to your computer, you will be looking for the next race.
• I was pretty bored after 45 minutes. Even with tunes. I needed to chat a bit w/ someone. It ended up being the kilo marker people. “Hey, how ya doing?” “How’s the weather for you?”
• Take Ibuprofen BEFORE you go.

Ok, I guess that’s it. I have my next run with Kelly on Monday morning. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.

Well, Lorren is gone. I’m sure her hair is nice and frizzed out in the Mexico humidity. I really miss her of course. But school has started and with that comes getting up, exercised and ready for work four days a week; making lunches, homework, extra-curricular activities; and trying like mad to get misc. errands done on Wednesdays. Menu planning is back in full swing, and I’m ready to make lots of soups, stews and fall weather recipes.

In a word, busy.

I really dislike how the word busy is thrown around. What I really want to say is my life is full. As it should be. I shouldn’t be sitting around every day twiddling my thumbs. But really, who has time to do that anyway. =)

For the moment I am just checking in with anyone who still pokes his or her head in here and saying HI! I’m alive and enjoying a very full life which at this moment, leaves little time for blogging. Maybe in a few Wednesdays when I have my “errands” done that have been put off for the ENTIRE summer, I will make a ritual of blogging once a week. If not, see you around Thanksgiving or Christmas.

On another note, I am 300 posts behind on my blog reader. If I haven’t been by your blog to see you in a while, I will soon.

So, since my BFF N OKC Lorren is moving very freakin’ far away from me, I am in search of a new one.

Qualifications:

• Must be around my age. I guess I will be honest and tell you I will be celebrating the 8th anniversary of my 29th birthday in less than a month. (I said honest, not happy about it.)
• Must be willing to discuss all kinds of personal information including and not limited to your eating habits, personal cycle, afflictions on your sex life as you get older, and where new hair seems to be appearing on a daily basis. Again, that getting a bit older thing.
• Must be willing to deal with my minor neuroses and re-current self esteem issues.
• Must have kids who will like to play with my kids since my kids are almost always in tow. (Reia would like a friend who can sing every song to the High School Musical soundtrack!)
• Must think Hobby Lobby, Kohl’s and Target are the mothership trifecta (sp?) of shopping and you would never buy anything at Hob Lob that isn’t half priced. See next point.
• Must be okay with the fact that I am the most frugal cheapest person on the face of the earth.
• Must think Diet Coke is a sweet nectar made by the hand of God.
• Must understand Seinfeld is one of the greatest shows of all time and that The Office will be the next cult classic in the sitcom category.
• Chocolate is a food group. This point is non-negotiable.
• You will pretend to be healthy with me until it’s “that time” at which point you will ignore the mass quantities of food that pass through my lips. Better yet, you’ll eat with me.
• You agree that Chex Mix is best home made and only baked between late September and December 31.
• And lastly, you will console me as I grieve over my loss because Lorren is one of my favorite people on Earth. (Don’t worry Richelle, Theresa and Holly, Lorren has had to listen to me talk about ya’ll for the past year too!)

I guess I’m in a post-y kind of mood all of a sudden. It’s unfortunate that school is about to start and I will have very little time for it.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how hard it is for me to be comfortable in my own skin. I started praying that I would see myself the way God sees me…the good stuff you know, not all my flaws. I’m certainly not ready for that just yet.

I grew up with great parents; not perfect, but great. Normal childhood. My parents are still married. And BAM! Low self-esteem. Why does that happen, and what precentage of women/young adults/teenagers do you think struggle with it?

So, it’s something I deal with. Some days I try not to deal with it. A lot of days I catch myself discussing my weight (and how to lose it) or my body (and how I wish I could change it) in front of my girls. It’s bad people. I don’t want them to be like this.

I want them to be confident. Not just in themselves, but the God who wonderfully and fearfully made every hair on their head.

So, I’d like to know where you stand. Is this something you deal with, and HOW do you deal with it? Do you feel like you are comfortable in your own skin?

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are-no more, no less. That’s the  moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.” –The Message, Matthew 5

We have finally, after five and a half years, had family pictures taken again. My friend Molly did these. I highly recommend her work if you need a photographer!

As a matter of fact, my children are quite adorable.

See?

A Family Pic

By the way, wait until fall for pictures. It was 8am and I was sweating like crazy through the whole thing!!

Do you watch Seinfeld re-runs? Terry and I have literally seen every episode 20 times, and still love them. If you love Seinfeld then you know the episode where the gang holds a contest to see who can contain themselves from any, well, self-gratification, the longest. About 5 minutes into the episode Kramer walks out of Jerry’s apartment, walks back in 45 seconds later, slams is money on the counter and yells, “I’m out!”

That’s how I felt about day 5 of the challenge when I finally had a Diet Coke and I didn’t care one iota about anything else. I’m seriously addicted to it people. Let’s just call a spade a spade and say it boils down to self-control or lack thereof.

And, as usual, I was really beating myself up about it while I was running one day. Running 3 miles. Running that has been pretty consistent since it was 30 degrees outside. Running takes a fair amount of discipline and self-control. God was incredibly sweet to remind me of that. I just love Him.

So, I blew it. I love meat. And sweets. There is a Texas sheet cake happily waiting behind me right now to be eaten after dinner. And Diet Coke. (Lorren just called. The cake may not make it to dinner. )

I’m moving on now….but thanks to those of you who joined me and especially those of you who are still going. Anyone?

I am thinking about re-naming my blog “Cellulite and Loving it!” or “How to Love Your Love Handles” or “Sugar and Bacon Grease Make the World Go ‘Round”. What do you think? I’m kidding!!!

Life is soooo good!

Let’s just say that this is much harder than I thought it would be. I didn’t think it would be easy, but Lord have mercy I didn’t think I would become all resentful over not having a Coke Zero or Dr. Pepper at will. Even with decaf tea at my disposal, I can’t quite get over the urge to run into a Sonic and shove my whole head under the soda spigot and fill er’ up!

The eating part has been hard too. If you go out to eat at a Mexican restaurant, you must have a will of steel. If you make Paula Deen’s banana pudding for dessert for the company that has come over for dinner…you just give up and plan to start again Monday morning. I should have had a coke while I was at it, but as my wise husband says, “Just because you have a flat in one tire, doesn’t mean you have to stab the other three with a knife.”

What I have learned so far:

1) As Lorren has already pointed out, I had no idea how much of my life revolved around food. Especially the “treats”.

2) If I could just have enough self-discipline for portion control, I would be just fine. I don’t really eat that poorly as it is.

3) Eating out gets me in trouble. Have a plan. Don’t go Mexican. Or Italian. Or anyplace with pre-dinner chips/bread/muffins/anything. Possibly take your own carrots or something.

4) I’d rather just exercise/run than attempt anything like this again. (BO isn’t that bad if I don’t forget my deodorant, right?)

5) Holy cow, it’s been a tad expensive.

6) Summertime is the best time to try this. Great fruits and veggies selection.

7) If I have cheater chips in the house, I will eat them.

Only 26 days to go!!! I’m not giving up. Yet. =) I am wondering if I don’t plan to keep this up after 30 days if there is a real point to continuing. Other than I have several of you started on it.